We're like a lot better than the average bears
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need moral support for this bender
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
