there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
