Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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