Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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