u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
