1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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