I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
