You can't motorboat a personality
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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