The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
