So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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