how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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