she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
