I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you made out with another girl for some wings
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
