I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
