Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am naked and annoyed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize