rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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