Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Your tits are I can't wait for
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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