Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
