the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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