Little spoons don't ask big questions
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
