What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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