i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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