i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
