I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
