also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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