if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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