I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
