the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
