Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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