dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
