Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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