My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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