Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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