i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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