the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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