R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
