11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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