Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
