I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
