I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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