I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
