Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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