Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
