I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
