sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
