I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
