He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
