your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
