I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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