At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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