I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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