Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
