he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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