Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize