It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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