she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.