Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.