i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities