youre lurking in front of me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.