My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
