ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
