there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
