He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
