I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
