Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
