This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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