Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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