He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
