my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
