i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
