i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
