I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
