On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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