One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
