Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
